The suicide shop

[Lantus]

The rain was marking the pavement, when Johnny Miellony thought that he’s broken by his family. Because, it should be mentioned – Johnny was son of Jack, Jack was son of Henry, and Henry was son of a bitch.
No losers, no winners, only your freaky mind – was jumping in his weak head and he felt sudden desire to kill himself.
So he knocked on the door of store for suicide persons.
- Good morning – said to shop assistant, which was very thin and had a big head.
- Welcome in one and only shop for people who want to buy the last thing in their life! The death without us is boring! You won’t be dissatisfied, I’m sure.
He put a razor on the counter.
- Smooth blade, reliably cleared, sir.
- That’s very… bloody.
- Oh, I understand.
Johnny was a little bit confused, so salesman led him to the marked wall.
- One hundred eighty centimeters… how with your weight?
- About seventy kilograms – replied Johnny.
- OK, so that will be one hundred and ninety eight.
- But what?
- What ‘what’?
- What will be that long?
- Rope, of course. Do not worry about anything, please. We fetch these strings from Japan, they are really strong.
- But maybe… Does it hurt?
- Yes, sometimes. It happens that a man suffocate long before he dies.
- Well, it’s not for me. I would prefer something less extreme.
- Like insulin?
- Yeah, that sounds great.
- Alright, I’ll give you a document and after signature we’ll determine the dose.
- Yeah, but I have a question.
- How can I help you?
- Are there any… you know… side effects?
- Yep – told thin man with a big head. Then leaned and whispered – Recently I heard that somebody got too low dose and then was crying from spasms and convulsions.
- Fuck, I prefer to live!
Said Johnny Miellony, got out, found a wife and made her some kids.

[RootsRat]

and he felt a sudden desire to kill himself

on the door of a store for suicide people.

- Good morning – said Johnny to a shop assistant, who was very skinny and had a big head.

Dialogi w języku angielskim zapisuje się w cudzysłowiu i bez pauz, czyli tak:

"Good morning" said Johnny to a shop assistant, who was very skinny and had a big head.



You won’t be dissatisfied, I’m sure of that LUB I'm sure you won’t be dissatisfied.

Shop assistant put a razor on the counter - bo HE może się odnosić do któregokolwiek z nich. IMHO nawet lepiej, żeby za ladą stała kobieta, bo wtedy możesz śmiało pisać he, she i wiadomo o kogo chodzi

Johnny was a little bit confused, so the salesman led him to a marked wall (brakuje dookreślenia, np. in the other part of the shop)

- One hundred and eighty centimeters… how much do you LUB how about your weight?

Jeśli już umiejscawiasz akcję w kraju angoljęzycznym, to warto wiedzieć, że w większości z nich używa się jednostek imperialnych, nie metrycznych

- About seventy kilograms – Johnny replied.

- Yes, sometimes. It could happen that a man suffocates long before he dies.

- Alright, I’ll give you a document to sign and once that's done we determine the dose.

- Yup – said thin man with a big head. He then leaned over and whispered – Recently I heard that somebody's dose was too low and then they were crying because of spasms and convulsions.

Said Johnny Miellony, left the shop, found himself a wife and had some kids with her.

---

Angielski trochę słabo, jak widać. Dlaczego zdecydowałeś się na tekst w tym akurat języku? Proponuję najpierw poczytać trochę anglojęzycznych książek, a dopiero później zabierać się za pisanie. A najlepiej pisać po polsku

[Lantus]

Myślałem, że w tym języku jest większa wolność.
Dlatego napisałem w nim, bowiem jest taki delikatny i melodyjny, że kontrastuje z tematem.

Dzięki za poprawkę, pozdrawiam.

[RootsRat]

W języku potocznym, owszem. W literackim nie za bardzo - tak samo jak w polskim zresztą

Nie ma problemu, do usług!